Bronwyn is always wants to be a what you see is what she is, kinda person, but she’s not sure if she truly wants to succeed in that area. mostly because the voices in her head, the ones that come out so well on paper aren’t as well behaved in her head, and she’s a mother now, she’s got to hold something form or sanity.
Title: Love Without Knowing It
Series: November #1
Author: Bronwyn Heeley
Publish date: 1st of November 2014 by Bony Dee
Word count: 11,616
ebook, 36 pages
When everything Paul had ever known turned upside down, suddenly he needs to man up and fight for the love he’s always feared.Paul’s life was set. He had what he needed and what he was comfortable with. Then a night with one of his regular lovers pulls him into the drama of sickness, love, and death.In the end, Paul needs to work a few things out first: Is he strong enough to fall in love with a man that may need more than he’s able to give, or will he fall into old habits and run when the relationship gets too complicated?
Note: through the month of November 2014, all profits from this book will be donated to the Movember charity
My Rating: 4 of 4 Stars
(Based on Short&Light Read)
Love Without Knowing is the type of book you pick up one minute then put down the next, all finished, all teary eyed, and all hoping. This is such a sweet, sweet romance and it just shows that love will creep in at the most unexpected times.
Paul had had a history that made him turn from committed relationships but it did not stop him from having fun. His friend and lover, Matt, was his one constant in life. He actually looked forward to their weekly trysts but when Paul discovers an anomaly in Matt's body, he just knew he had to get his priorities straight. Should he leave this man, his friend, his lover, at his time of need or should he man up and finally admit to him that what he was feeling was not just sexual, but actually involved the heart?
Oh boy, this was such an endearing story. Yes, this is a classic Bronwyn Heeley who takes readers on a short ride and then dumps them in the middle of a world hard to get out of. No, this has nothing shapeshifter involed, this is pure contemporary. A story of how a disease can make a huge difference to the lives of the sufferer and those around them. This is a topic hardly touched by authors for it cries too much of how real life can be. Fortunately, the author made sure to take her readers slowly and gently into the process of how Matt and Paul lives unfold after the discovery. Their lives are changed forever, but their love becomes the hero that made me cry and laugh.
Thank you Bronwyn, this was short, sweet and a little bit hard to take, but the beauty of your message really shines through. **mwah**
Early the next morning Paul met Matt out the front of his apartment block. He’d been lucky to get there early or he would have missed Matt completely.
They walked to the doctor’s in a weird sort of silence, emotion dancing around them; no need for words, or gratitude, or small talk. Shifting his eyes to Matt, they shared a look and a bump or two of their shoulders as they went towards the scariest building Paul had ever seen.
The thing was, he wished more than anything they were not here at all. He wished they were still both home curled up in bed together, in their morning glory.
The waiting room was like every other one Paul had ever sat in. He tried to appear perfectly calm as he sat next to Matt, waiting. Waiting. Fucking waiting for a name, one name in particular, but when Matt’s name was called out, he suddenly wanted to grab him up and run like crazy. His heart didn’t want to be doing this, all he wanted was for Matt and him to run so fast none of this could catch up with them.
The waiting fear was so consuming he had trouble sitting still. His legs kept shifting nervously. He couldn’t stop looking at all the other sick people in the room. Why were they here? What would it be like if he was in Matt's shoes? Would he be as calm, or would he have started to rant and rave? Hell, knowing himself, Paul would have been on his deathbed before he came to any doctor.
There was definitely no beauty pageant happening in this doctor’s surgery. Why were these people here, what was wrong with them? They didn’t look like they had been run over by a truck or anything, so what was wrong with them? Were any of them dying of cancer and you just couldn’t see it?
Leaning back in his chair, Paul pushed the thought away while fear of the unknown settled to the bottom of his stomach.
He tried to pick something to read, finally settling on an old magazine that had seen better days. Realistically, it probably held more germs than if he’d decided to lick a handrail. He couldn’t concentrate worth shit. What was wrong with the minute hand on the clock? It ticked by, slowly—so fucking slowly.
Then suddenly time was up. Matt walked out.
Paul didn’t need to ask Matt how it went with the doctor. He could see it in his face as soon as he walked out from the back of the surgery and up to the counter to pay. Something was definitely wrong. All Paul could see was his pale-as-shit face. Everything inside him froze. He took a deep calming breath, stood up, and unknowingly became Matt’s rock.
Paul took his time crossing the room as Matt finished paying and making another appointment. It seemed as if Matt was holding on by the skin of his teeth, and the last thing he needed was Paul going up to him, standing there, commenting on something he was clearly trying to hide.
They met at the door. Paul arrived first, silently opening it for him. Matt smiled, not saying anything, just fiddling with the papers in his hands, so many unspoken emotions running across his shocked face.
The door clicked shut. Paul blinked in surprise at the sounds of the world speeding by, as if everything was still normal, still working. “So…?”
“So?” Matt echoed, as if he didn’t know what Paul was talking about. As if Paul wasn’t dying—pun not intended—to know what was happening, what was wrong.
“What next?” he asked instead.
Matt cleared his throat as he looked down at his hands, but Paul saw the sad smile tilting the side of his mouth. He tried not to see fear in Matt’s eyes and he defiantly clamped down his jaw and didn’t ask any questions. He couldn’t push, mostly because he didn’t have any right to know what the doctor had said. If he had, he would have been in the room with Matt…
“Blood test,” he said lifting up the paper to emphasise.
“Okay, do you need an appointment, or can we just go?”
Matt shrugged. “Doc said if I went right away there shouldn’t be any problems.”
He was right, of course. This early in the morning, there was only an elderly lady and a pregnant sheila who had an overly excited toddler she was trying to keep quiet. The thing was, no one there cared about the rowdy little girl. To him it was distracting. It took his mind off what they were there for, or rather, what Matt was there for. She giggled and laughed, asking silly question he could barely understand, but couldn’t help smiling with the answers.
“Can you come in with me?” Matt asked unexpectedly, nervously licking his lips. When Paul got to his eyes he saw a look of pure fear staring back at him, the kind that was normally reserved to having a spider crawl up your neck.
Paul swallowed back a laugh. “Sure.”
Matt’s relief was a little too much to bear. “Thanks,” he sighed, “I really hate needles.”
“Hate?” Paul smiled, because the description Matt was looking for was scared as all fuck.
“Yeah,” Matt nodded, smiled. It lightened the mood for a moment even if it wasn’t really funny, but more relief at not being left alone while he was being stabbed with needles.
Paul felt this weird little lift in his shoulders, a pride at being let in without having to ask.
“He said that this should tell if it’s cancer or not,” Matt said softly after a long pause.
“That it? You don’t have to get cut up or nothing?”
Matt shrugged. “Apparently a blood test will tell us if it’s cancer or not.”
“Really?” It was asked as fact more than a question. “So that’s it then, just a blood test?”
“Well, for the moment. Because of the amount of swelling, and the fact that it hasn’t quite stopped me pissing yet—oh, and I’m young. He said it could be an infection, but…”
Yeah…, He’d never actually known anyone with prostate cancer, but from what he’d gathered it was the go-to disease, especially for men with a prostate the size of a plum. He hoped he was wrong, but his imagination was already running riot, and he couldn’t shake off the feeling that they were dealing with the worst.
“Yeah,” Matt sighed, a little calmer from sitting beside Paul, even if the death grip on Paul’s thigh gave him away…
They stayed sitting liked that as the elderly woman and then the mother went in and had their blood taken. They stayed connected that way as other people came and went. It seemed to take forever for their turn, and yet when Matt’s name finally got called it was as if only moments had passed.
Matt tensed up like a plank, and Paul tried not to laugh as he took his baby in to get his blood taken.